14 Types Of People You Will Meet When Travelling By The Delhi Metro

There are only two things in Delhi that are objectively modern. First is its problem with pollution and second, the Delhi Metro.

Swift, convenient, and highly efficient - there’s no end to the list of superlatives that can be used to describe this blessed public transport service in the city. The only issue that you might have with the Delhi Metro is that it will expose you to a cornucopia of different human species; that too early in the morning or after a tumultuous day at work. We've identified 14 different types of Metro travellers you might like to maintain a comfortable distance from (if possible).

1. The Peeping Tom

Weather you’re chatting with your girlfriend, reading a book, or watching the latest episode of 'Mirzapur', there’s always one person who’s more interested in your stuff than you. If you sit beside this person, be prepared for unsolicited relationship advice, spoiler alerts, and of course relentless scrutiny.

2. Banter Buddies

Banter Buddies are the easiest people to find on the metro, but the hardest to avoid since their volume is always raised to the fullest; and even if you’re travelling in the farthest end of the train, their raucous voice will reach your ears screeching through the coaches.

3. The LoveBirds

This is the couple that just can’t wait to get home. Our only advice to them - ‘Get a room, please!’

4. The Ghutka Eating Uncle

This man is the real life incarnation of ‘Pandey Ji’ from Office-Office. Watching him talk on the phone, with his mouth stuffed with tobacco, is a dreadful sight. God bless the kid who sacrificed his new shirt to his scarlet spit and saved us all. 

5. The Floor Sitter

“The floor is now open“ has a different meaning for this guy. Finding a seat is never a problem for him. The speaker phone lady doesn't bother him, and the occasional strikes from petulant passengers are no match for his resoluteness.

6. The Seat Hoarder

The seat hoarder always saves two seats - one for himself and the other for his imaginary friend. Actually, the imaginary friend is his bag. Ask him to get it off and he’ll be at the receiving end of the 'look'.

7. The Bhukkad

The tiffin opens and a smelly whiff traverses through the air and reaches your nostrils. You now know that the Bhukkad is hogging on pakodas for breakfast. This man or woman, is the reason why your appetite is shrinking by the day and the rest of your coach travellers dig their face into their jackets. 

8. The Pole Dancer

Now, don’t get me wrong, but we’ve all been here. The pole is the safest place to hang around in a crowded train. But, The Pole Dancer elevates status of this humble rod to a scaffold, gym equipment, and even a dancing pole.

9. The Gate Keeper

This is the first person you see when you enter the metro. From the time he gets on till the the time he reaches his destination, this person hangs by the door and guards it like Saint Peter guards the Pearly Gates in heaven.

10. The ‘Modi’ Bhakt

There was a time when politics could be freely discussed in public spaces, but ever since India got Modi-fied, the ‘Bhakts’ have made it impossible to do so. This guy will defend Modiji till his last breath, and don’t you dare ask him for a Rs 1000 note or you’d have to get down at the next station.

11. The Matchmaker Aunty

The matchmaker aunty is forever on the hunt for susheel girls and haandsome boys. Her conversion rate is better than that of your Pandit ji's. In fact, she was the one who introduced PC to Nick Jonas and went to Rabri’s house to seek her hand for Lalu. Some matches are made in heaven, but the rest are blessed by our metro aunty.

12. The Music Enthusiast

You can’t help but judge this guy’s taste in music. We wouldn’t, had the noise in his ears not penetrated our ears too. Sometimes, he inadvertently joins his speakerphone in serenading fellow commuters and raps a verse or two while listening to Altaf Raja’s iconic beats.

13. The Frustrated Businessman

Dressed to impress and averse to any joy whatsoever, The Frustrated Businessman is our favourite person to travel with on the Delhi Metro. The copy of Economics Times under his arm and buzzing stock notifications clearly indicates that he means binness.

14. The Groomer

This one is perhaps the busiest person on the planet; because there is no other reason why someone would groom their fingernails on the Metro.